I’ve had a baby, but am I okay?

Whether you have just welcomed your first or 4th child, having a baby is life-altering. For many new mums, life is suddenly overwhelmed by the needs of the new baby, and (in the moments remaining) attending to their own basic bodily needs (you know, like sleeping and eating). But it is super important in those first few weeks to stay mindful of your emotional state as well.

After your baby is born, the focus of care often shifts. Obstetricians and midwives tend to step back, and much of the attention is placed on your baby’s needs. New mums will receive instructions for self-care and know that the 6-week check lies ahead. Health providers tend to focus on monitoring your baby’s growth and development during these first weeks, and feeding will likely be a major focus. Some mothers are unaware that feeding support is available outside of hospitals, so if you feel like you need some help, it is important to remember that you can reach out for supportive care – irrespective of whether you want to breastfeed your bub. (My colleague Simone, a very experienced Lactation Consultant says, “breastfeeding is won or lost in the first 2 weeks postpartum”, so make sure you get help early!)

During the early postpartum stage, your body undergoes significant hormonal changes as it transitions from a pregnant state to a postpartum state. Although these changes are extremely important for your body, this shift contributes to a range of mood-related challenges. One common experience is the baby blues, a nearly universal response to these hormonal shifts. You may experience mood swings, tearfulness, or feelings of being overwhelmed or anxious. For most women, no specific treatment is required, and emotions typically stabilise within about a week. However, for some, these initial changes may signal more significant concerns, such as postpartum depression, anxiety, or trauma. It's crucial to remain vigilant and seek support if these feelings persist or intensify.

Some useful check-ins to ask yourself include:

• Am I feeling worried about my pregnancy or my baby?

• Am I feeling overwhelmed by the added responsibilities of parenting?

• Do I feel that decision-making is harder than usual for me right now?

• Do I dread bedtime because I never know if my baby will sleep?

• Do I dread bedtime because I never know if I will sleep?

• Do I fear leaving the house because I never feel prepared enough?

• Do I feel so uncomfortable feeding my baby in public, that I have stopped going out?

• When I think about my pregnancy/baby’s birth it causes me distress.

• Am I finding it hard for me to stop worrying about my baby?

• Do I think about who I was before my baby?

• I have scary thoughts about my baby that are upsetting to me.

• Do I feel like my marriage/partnership/relationships is less fulfilling to me now?

• Do I feel that am not as good of a partner/friend as I was before I had my baby?

Telling someone that you are struggling with mood or anxiety problems can feel scary, no matter how much you love or trust that person. This can feel even harder after you have had a baby and you are “supposed” to be happy all the time. However, telling someone how you are feeling is an important step toward finding the support that can help you feel better.

Who do you feel you can trust to reach out for support? Your partner? Your parents? A sibling? A friend? Your doctor/midwife? Conversations like the ones below can be helpful to take the first step in getting the help you need.

I have been feeling (e.g., anxious, sad, scared) since (e.g., our baby was born, I gave birth, my baby turned four months old). I know its normal to have some of these feelings after having a baby, but I think this has been going on for too long, and I am hoping you can help me get some help.

I have been worrying (e.g., about being a bad mother, that I am having too much anxiety, that I am failing our baby) . Even though people tell me not to worry about this, I still worry and am hoping you can help me get some professional support.

If you really can’t think of anyone in your network who can help, that’s ok: you can still access the help you need. Search in your local area for a psychologist who specialises in perinatal or postnatal difficulties (it is really important that you get the support of someone who understands this specific life stage, and how you might be feeling). There are also a whole range of great organisations who provide phone support like Beyond Blue, PANDA and The Gidget Foundation

Narelle Dickinson is a psychologist who has specialised in the area of perinatal wellbeing for the past 25 years. She is Director of Lotus Health and Psychology and Parenting Success and is passionate about making sure that parents get the help they need to have a better time with their children.